


dreaming of our firstborn (and your hair covered in popcorn)

by babyiknow



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: F/F, dani has anxiety, dani is crushing so hard on jamie, give her happiness, jamie has a good family for once
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:02:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28332804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyiknow/pseuds/babyiknow
Summary: Her head should hurt more.The first thought, when she finally blinks her eyes open again, is that her head should hurt more.  It’s the lack of the dull throb at the base of her skull, that puzzles her, and she scratches the space in confusion.
Relationships: Dani Clayton & Jamie, Dani Clayton/Jamie, Hannah Grose/Owen Sharma
Comments: 8
Kudos: 89





	dreaming of our firstborn (and your hair covered in popcorn)

It’s not like Dani chose to be like this. 

_ Just to the next class.  _ She tells herself,  _ just to the end of the hallway.  _ Just to her class at the end of the hall, room three hundred and thirty-one. Her breathing comes in heavy, quiet huffs out of her nose, and she holds her painted nails curled in on eachother, a thumb enclosed in a protective fist. 

There’s a dull ring in her left ear, like a miniature hurricane siren, and she wants to roll her eyes at herself. 

_ Come on Dani. Walk a bit faster.  _ But she can’t, her legs feel lethargic, like she’s wading through cement, and there are other students passing her, giggling with their friends in pairs, and she feels a bit like drowning. 

The door to her classroom is in sight, her English class, and she can almost taste the relief, the steady rush of cooler oxygen into her lungs. She just has to reach it, just fifteen feet. Her vision darkens a bit around the corners of her eyes, and her breaths are becoming shorter, and she struggles against the urge to stop in the middle of the hallway, and just breathe, mouth wide open sucking in air, still, like a stone in a creek. 

Her steps shorten, and she can feel eyes on her, watching her now, and she tries to blink away the dark spotting her eyes.  _ No, Dani, no. Not here, you can’t do this here, you can’t-  _ Dani’s head swoops, the spot between her eyebrows, with sudden dizziness, and she can only stumble slightly closer to the English doorway before she falls. 

Her head should hurt more. 

The first thought, when she finally blinks her eyes open again, is that her head should hurt more. It’s the lack of the dull throb at the base of her skull, that puzzles her, and she scratches the space in confusion. 

“-Danielle? Danielle, honey, can you hear me?” And,  _ god,  _ how embarrassing is it to be woken up gently by the sweet school nurse with half of the Language Arts Department gathered around her, and- 

“Dani.” Is all she can reply, a little dazed, and she blinks again, catching the face of her teacher, Mrs. King, and a few other teachers, and between them, towards the back- Dani closes her eyes again in mortification. 

Her-  _ goddamnit.  _ Her crush of nearly five years-  _ five years now, huh.  _ Time flies. She’s pulled out of her thoughts again by the nurse asking her a few questions. 

“Dani, that’s right. Sorry, honey. Were you feeling sick before- before you fainted? Was your head hurting? Did you forget to eat breakfast?”  _ Breakfast, check. Dinner, too.  _ But that was only part of it, only part of Dani’s fucked up condition. 

“No, no, I- I ate. I was feeling fine, just a bit dizzy, I guess. Maybe I’m sick. But I- I’m feeling much better now.” She picks her cuticle violently, tearing a shred of skin away from her fingernail, avoiding eye contact with the nurse. 

“You sure? You’re looking pale, maybe we should send you home for the day.” The nurse lays a soft hand against Dani’s forehead, and she doesn’t flinch against the touch, familiar with Nurse Bell, having visited her at least once a week for a stomach ache, or a couple of aspirins for her migraines. 

“No, really, I’m fine, I can just go to class. Seriously, I can-” Dani begins to get up, ignoring the lingering vertigo from her fall, and the rest of the small group gathered around her rise with her, from their crouched or bent knees. 

“Well, if you’re sure. But you come right down if you start to feel lightheaded, or dizzy again?” The nurse smiles at Dani, brushing a comforting hand over the blonde’s shoulder. 

“I will. Thank you, Miss Bell.” She smiles despite herself. 

It’s awkward, walking to class after the whole thing, and Dani rubs the back of her head, looking for the tender spot. And a shoulder nudges her own. 

“Quite the spill, huh, Poppins?”  _ Poppins,  _ the stupid nickname that makes Dani’s stomach flutter dangerously, given after Dani had told the small brunette of her after school job at the private school a couple blocks away from Bly, caring for the kindergarteners. 

“Ha. Yeah- guess so.” She gives a half-hearted laugh, shrugging her shoulders in an attempt to be just slightly relatable. Another crash and burn,  _ you’re zero for one Dani, not making any hard-hitting impressions here, are we?  _

Dani’s liked Jamie for years, the crush starting off silly and stupid in middle school, a forgotten thing over the summer, but a violent boomerang that tore the rug from under her feet freshman year. The curly-headed girl occupied her thoughts until now- until her senior year, seven months before graduation.  _ And nothing to show for it, huh Clayton? _

Which isn’t true, she knows. A funny little repartee had formed between the two, an easy familiarity that simultaneously warmed Dani down to her socks, and coolly disarmed her every time the wide-grinning girl popped up beside her. Which is all Dani needs, all she needs to suffice. She’d never force herself on Jamie, she’d never make the girl uncomfortable. Besides, the brunette was- well, she was taken, presumably. 

“Lucky I was there.” Jamie flexes her arms proudly, and Dani realizes with a hot blush and a fresh jolt of embarrassment why she doesn’t have a sore head. 

“Oh, shit, Jamie, did you-” She trails off, gesturing a messy catching motion, but it gets the job done. 

“Sure did. Felt like a superhero, really. Although ‘t’was a bit frightening, seein’ you tip like a frightened goat. Was worried I’d have to replace the only other smart person in the class, didn’t know how I was gonna do it.” Jamie smiles a pretty little smile, and Dani melts in her white sneakers. 

“Oh god, sorry. I don’t know what happened- I. Yeah, sorry.” She chuckles, and winds a hand in her hair, gathering her bangs away from her forehead. 

“Hey, it’s not a big deal, happens- well.” Jamie smirks a bit. “Was gonna say it happens all the time, but to be completely honest, Poppins, it doesn’t. But seriously, it’s not a problem.” She pauses for a moment, then reaches a hand out, rubbing Dani’s arm, slightly above her elbow. 

“I know you feel better now, but, erm- let me know if you feel bad again. Or-well, I guess you’d rather tell the nurse, but-” Jamie flushes a bit, and begins to withdraw her hand. 

“I will, I’ll let you know.” Dani blurts, and huffs a frustrated breath, trying to school her thoughts enough to produce an eloquent sentence. “Thank you, Jamie.” She covers the brunette’s hand with her own, her breath quickening a bit at the contact, touch-starved skin leeching what it can from the interaction. 

“Course.” Jamie replies, her eyes a little wider than before. And it feels like only seconds, but still a second too long, before they break contact, and finally join the rest of the students in the classroom. 

  
  


Dani’s zipping her backpack, the lavender-colored one she’d saved up her paychecks over a month for, when a gentle hand brushes her shoulder. 

“Dani, hey.” Jamie, again, and Dani might start passing out in the hallway more often if this is where it gets her. But Jamie’s looking at her with earnest, friendly eyes, and Dani can feel her own grin pulling. 

“Hi, Jamie.” It comes out as kind of a sigh, and the small brunette leans against Dani’s table. 

“Yeah, um, well- I was just wondering if you’d want to partner up, for the, um.” She gestures to the posterboard in her hand, and Dani’s copy of Wuthering Heights. “The project? Unless you’re working with, um-” She nods towards Edmund, who’s sitting across the room, and Dani glances back, cringing at the way he perks up like a puppy when their eyes meet. 

“Nope! Uh, no, well- yes! I’d love to partner up. With you, not- uh. Yeah, let’s be partners.” Dani stumbles over her words, pausing a moment to gather her thoughts, steady her shaking hands on the zipper of her bag. Jamie just quirks an eyebrow, and pats her desk twice, pushing off the black surface. 

“Right, then. Good. Was hoping I could shove Owen off on Hannah this time, bit tired of listening to his pining.” Jamie smiles prettily, and guides Dani’s eyes to where Owen and Hannah are sitting, their heads leaned close together over a timeline of the book. 

“Oh, shush, they’re cute!” Dani smiles, because she likes Hannah, and Owen stops to talk to her sometimes outside of the art room, and his puns always make her fists relax. 

“Well, I’ve gotta get to gardening club, but- my house? Um, tomorrow? Margaret’s makin’ gingerbread tonight, always better the next day over.” And Dani must be dreaming, must be in some sort of shock-induced coma, because Jamie freaking Taylor, her crush since middle school, is sweetly inviting her over, to talk about Wuthering Heights and eat gingerbread and-

“Sounds good!” She’s nodding coolly, but her stomach is flipping hot and fevered with a feeling she hasn’t felt in a long time- one that tells her she’s doing something  _ right.  _

For once, something right. 

  
  


Eddie is, predictably, upset. He’s always been a bit possessive, never rudely, or aggressively, just a slightly overbearing force that could be tamped down rather easily. 

“I just don’t understand, Danielle, we  _ always  _ work together.” He whines, and Dani feels bad for the subconscious shrug it elicits, like he’s some fly, or an irritating strand of hair that she can flip away. 

“I’m sorry, Eddie. But Jamie asked me first, and she’s my friend too. Didn’t Dylan ask you? Work with him!” Dani flinches at her tone, the one she uses with the preschoolers at aftercare when they’re squabbling over a toy. Edmund doesn’t notice, though, and he scoffs. 

“Since when is Jamie your friend?” And he doesn’t see- of course he doesn’t- how this cuts her down in one fell swoop. Because,  _ no,  _ she’s not, is she? Jamie’s never asked her to hang out, she’s never talked to her outside of school, even. And while Dani- and half the school, she’d assume- thinks that Jamie is the  _ coolest,  _ she doubts that Jamie sees her in the same light.  _ God,  _ especially not after today. 

“Eddie-” She can’t, she doesn’t really have anything to say, nothing to counter his argument with, so she thanks her lucky stars when the bell rings, signaling that they have two minutes to get to class before they’re late. “I gotta go. See you after school?” Eddie’s frown lifts a bit, and she can see his anger ebbing away. 

“Yeah!” He replies, and he really is too good for Dani. “Staying for dinner, right?” Dani nods, cheeks reddening in embarrassment, because this is the third night this week, but. 

She needs to get to class. 

  
  


“So, what book are you two doing for the project?” Edmund asks, after dinner, when they’re holed up in his room, idling casually, pretending that there isn’t a reason Dani’s staying so long. 

“Oh, we chose Wuthering Heights. You?” Dani shifts her knees closer to her chest, snuggling further into the thick quilt that Edmund knows she covets, that she steals almost every time she’s over. 

“Dylan chose The Metamorphosis. And like,  _ sure,  _ the bug thing is cool, but I don’t think he understands it, and neither do I, to be honest.” He’s giggling before he’s even done, and Dani joins in, the laughter contagious, their emotions linked like twins. 

“Oh god, Eddie. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken up Jamie’s offer. We can’t have you standing up there stumbling over the life cycle of a bug, can we?” Dani chuckles again. 

“Dani, don’t even joke. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” Dani sighs, and feels a little pang of nostalgic affection for the boy. She can remember, sitting like this-  _ exactly  _ like this, eleven years ago, their little six-year-old noses buried in the Harry Potter series, eyes scanning dually over the pages. Synchronous. 

They were such little  _ nerds,  _ Dani thinks, and she smiles at the thought, because she really loves him. Edmund. She really loves the way she laughs with him, like naughty children in a pew at church, like they can’t stop the mirth from spilling out. She loves the way they can read each other’s thoughts, for the most part, like when she turns to him in class, to make dubious eye contact across the room, his eyes are already sliding towards her own. 

“You’re going to be fine. Besides, maybe this time you’ll finally get around to doing some work for yourself.” She pokes his arm teasingly. 

“Ha-ha, Danielle. I hope you and the bookworm have a great time together.” Dani blushes, hiding her face in the quilt. 

“By the way, I can’t walk home with you tomorrow, I’m going to Jamie’s to work on the project. But you can text me if you need help on yours, I read The Metamorphosis over the summer.” 

“Up and leaving me then? I get it- I’m not smart enough for you.” He gives her an awkward little smirk, and she kind of wants to push it off his face, make it so he never learned that expression in the first place. 

“Yep, that’s it. Your smooth brain doesn’t cut it anymore, sorry pal.” 

Eddie drops her off reluctantly in front of her house, with a ‘call if you need anything!’ and a little worried glance. But she waves him off with a convincing enough smile, and he drives away slowly, only once she’s fully inside her front door. 

It’s quiet in Dani’s house, but not peaceful, like the parts in horror movies where everything goes still, right before the jumpscares that have Dani leaping in her seat and yelping in terror. 

It reeks, too, like a mixture of red wine, and, well, white wine, the carpet a leopard print of the purple stains, dried and a little sticky to the touch. There’s an empty bottle on the coffee table, which Dani picks up, and tosses in the recycling, wiping her sticky hand on her jeans. 

She’s guessing her mom is in her bedroom, where she’s usually stationed after nine on a weeknight, and Dani slinks towards her own bedroom quietly, like she’s an intruder. 

“Danielle.” Her mother’s voice calls, from the kitchen, and Dani sighs, dropping her backpack in the bedroom along the way. 

“Yes, mom?” She walks around to the other side of the kitchen island, putting a good two feet of distance between the two of them. 

“Danielle,” her mother’s eyes are surprisingly sober, not completely, but sober enough to hold her voice steady. “How was your night?” Her tone is foreboding, like this question is just her engine revving up for the next. 

“It was fine, just hanging out at Eddie’s for a- school project.” She bites the inside of her lip, a tic she’s developed when lying, one that gives her away almost instantly to Eddie, but to her mother? In the air. 

“That boy loves you, Danielle.” Her mother’s voice is dry, deep, like a warning, or a prophecy. 

“He’s my best friend.” Dani supplies lamely, somehow knowing this isn’t enough. 

“Danielle. He loves you. And you’re going to have to make a decision soon.” Dani swallows a heavy knot in her throat. 

“Mom-” 

“Do you love him?” Dani pauses, her breath catching. She digs her fingernails into her palms, the lasagna that Mrs. O’Mara made for dinner turning heavily in her stomach. And she makes a decision. 

“No.” 

Her mother just stares vacantly over Dani’s shoulders, unseeing. “Go to your room, Danielle.” 

“Okay.” 

She doesn’t get much sleep, her mother’s words spinning like vitriol in her chest, guilty beads of sweat clinging to her shoulder blades, her temples. She wakes up, restless, at five, and decides to start her day early, instead of attempting the extra hour of sleep. 

She showers, blow dries her hair into soft waves, and tries a little harder with her makeup, coaxing a rosy glow to her face. She picks out a simple sweater and skirt, and she’s slinging her backpack over her shoulder and waiting outside for Eddie a half-hour before he’s scheduled to come. 

“You look nice.” He comments, leaning over to plug his phone into the charger, and she slides into the passenger seat of his little Honda, rolling her window down a bit. 

“Hey, thanks.” She smiles at him, and she thought it would be awkward, thought  _ she  _ would be awkward, after her mom’s statements last night, but- 

One night with her mom can’t override nearly fifteen years of friendship. Could never. And Eddie’s tired grin over his cup of coffee, that stupid drink she can’t stand, is wide enough to tell her that. 

“Hey, so about that offer to help with our project-” 

“Eddie, already?” 

  
  


Dani’s day is slower than expected, but the tiredness that only slips into her bones around second period is enough to calm her down, soothing her in the slightest way, giving her something to focus on. 

“Poppins, hey.” Dani blinks a bit, and lifts her chin from where it was cradled in her palm. She rolls her head to look behind her, and a little pleasant jolt wakes her up when she realizes that the voice belongs to Jamie. 

“Hey.” Okay, so not  _ fully  _ awake, because there was no reason for that to sound so… dreamy. 

“Fallin’ asleep there.” Jamie observes, leaning over her desk to whisper to the blonde. “Surely the derivatives and functions can’t be that boring?” 

“Ha, you’d be surprised. Especially since absolutely  _ none _ of this makes sense to me.” She traces a finger over the worksheet in front of her, with only her name penciled in. 

“Oh, come on, Dani.” Jamie gripes, like they’ve been over this before. “It’s not too bad, you just use the chain rule. Like with the other functions.” Jamie turns her own worksheet around to face Dani, explaining her neat handwriting, each step worked through on the paper. Dani finds herself nodding, following along, and when her calculator spits out a number that matches Jamie’s own answer, she laughs elatedly, a bit too loudly for the classroom. And Jamie smiles, that same, crooked, sweet little smile. The one that makes Dani feel like the only girl in the world, the one that makes her feel special, giddy. Like Jamie is looking at her, and liking what she sees. 

“Good job.” Jamie turns her worksheet back to herself, but her eyes linger on Dani. A blush works its way up Dani’s throat. 

“Thanks, Jamie.” 

“Anytime.” 

  
  


How Dani has survived the day, she doesn’t know. By the end, she’s both dragging her feet with drowsiness, and vibrating with energy at the thought of being alone with Jamie. Close to Jamie, without the obligation of school hanging around them. 

“Ready, Poppins?” Jamie bumps her shoulder to Dani’s, and Dani grins glancing at the small brunette. She’d been packing up slowly, waiting for the girl to approach her on her own, so that she wouldn’t seem pushy. Or too eager. 

“Ready.” She slings her bag over her shoulder, ignoring the tickling jump in her stomach at the brush of Jamie’s arm against her own while they walk down the hallway. It’s unhurried, almost leisurely, the way Jamie walks, an unbothered, calm saunter, so different to Dani’s own rushed movements, her short, clipped strides, and she finds she quite likes it, moving at Jamie’s pace. 

The parking lot is nearly empty when she and Jamie reach the brunette’s green truck, and Dani’s about to ask. “Where’s-” 

“About time, slowpoke! God, it’s like you get lost on your way out every day.” Owen, leaning against the passenger door. 

“I’m sure you’ve met my idiot brother.” Jamie mutters, closer to Dani’s ear than the blonde was prepared for. 

“Yeah, yeah.” She breathes. 

Everyone knows that Jamie’s adopted. She was the talk of the town when she arrived, a tagalong from the Sharmas’ trip to England, her papers still fresh, hair scruffy, eyes a bit buckwild, like an overgrown garden. She’d been a surprise, a little shock to the never-changing Iowa town, and quickly became somewhat of a sweetheart to the community. Sure, she had a bit of a temper, a sharp tongue, and a bit of dirt under her fingernails, but her quick wit and darling smile took the hearts of most that laid eyes upon her. 

No one really knew of Jamie’s life before she arrived, no later than fifth grade, and Jamie never really mentioned it. But she’s Margaret Sharma’s kid, through and through. It’s seen in her eyes, the same twinkling that Ms. Sharma gets when she knows something you don’t, the same subtle well of kindness that doesn’t really seem to run dry. And not to mention the knitted sweaters that Jamie wears often, colors anomalous and patterns a little peculiar, but so loved and cherished, worn until her thumbs worried holes in the sleeves. 

And anyone who loves Margaret Sharma, is automatically in the town’s good books. And anyone could see how much Jamie loves Ms. Sharma. She pushes the woman’s trolley in the supermarket, she pours her tea at the cafe, she gazes up at the woman, still, even now, with such admiration, gratefulness, pride. There’s a devotion there, a love so strong and unconditional. 

And Ms. Sharma loves her the same, the same unfailing pride, the same devotion, like she’d put herself between Jamie and the world. Because Jamie is her daughter, and Ms. Sharma is her mum. Clear as day, even to the slower thinkers in the town, who wouldn’t usually care for such a foreigner, encroaching in their town. Jamie was a Sharma kid. 

“Good, then I don’t have to warn you about his  _ insufferable  _ nature.” They approach the car just as slowly, and Dani smiles, lifting her hand in greeting to the boy. 

“Oi, dick. You’re in the backseat, Dani’s up front.” 

“ _ Oh _ , no, that’s okay. You go ahead, Owen.” Dani climbs in the back, and Owen smirks at his sister. 

“Oof, that one’s gotta hurt.” the boy teases, and Dani looks to Jamie with wide eyes. 

“No, that’s not-” She meets the brunette’s eyes in the rearview mirror. 

“You’re good, Dani, Owen’s just being a dick per usual. Don’t mind him.” Jamie winks, giving a quick, reassuring smile to the blonde. 

The ride to the Sharma’s is different than Dani’s used to, her own carpools with Eddie usually punctuated with outbreaks of unhindered laughter, a constant stream of chatter erupting from them, their sentences weaving together like a single being. 

Jamie plays soft-ish music from the speakers, turned up loud enough to where she can only faintly hear the brunette’s sweet, clear voice singing along. Owen shares little snippets of his own day, funny stories from his classes, or little facts he learned on the internet, but for the most part, he’s content to look out the window, and bob his head to the tune of whatever Jamie’s queued. 

It’s nice, Dani thinks. To have a bit of time to unwind, to let go of the day, to let herself enjoy the music, listen to the lyrics, gaze at the houses skipping past. Her eyes meet Jamie’s once or twice again in the rearview mirror, and an easy smile is exchanged between the two, like they’ve done this before, been here before. 

Dani’s been to the Sharma’s house once before- for Girl Scouts, when she’d knocked on the door, and been invited in, helping Ms. Sharma decide just  _ how  _ many boxes of Thin Mints she’d wanted, while Jamie peeked out from behind her legs, and Owen had begged her to try a slice of cake he’d made. It’d been lovely, and Dani had left with her cookie catalogue, a full belly, and a  _ bye, sweet girl,  _ from Ms. Sharma. And Jamie had just waved shyly from behind her legs, a small, pink blush dusting her cheeks. 

The house looked nearly the same, a red brick two-story with ivy climbing up the front, but the garden was bigger, brighter, even in the beginning of fall, and Dani admired it. 

“Wow, that’s- those flowers, they’re beautiful.” She comments, and Jamie smiles at her, again. 

“Oh god, don’t get her started on the flowers.” Owen slings his bag over his shoulder, jogging towards the front door, and Jamie tosses him the keys. Dani raises her eyebrows at the brunette. 

“Well, thank you, first off, for the compliment. Owen’s just mad because we don’t have a display case in our front yard where he can show off all  _ his  _ talent.” Dani chuckles, tilting her head in question. 

“I grew these, Poppins.” Jamie puts her out of her confusion. “I garden?” Dani smacks her forehead, mouth forming an ‘O’. 

“Oh, yeah, that’s right! But I- I mean, these are just. Wow. You did this all by yourself?” They make their way to the front door, leisurely. 

“All me, not to brag.” Jamie sounds proud, though, and Dani’s heart swells a bit. 

“It’s amazing. Beautiful.” She lets Jamie open the door for her, ducking inside shyly, and she feels a bit like a teenager in a movie, smiling coyly as Jamie enters behind her, letting herself linger in the brunette’s space for a bit too long. 

  
  


It’s funny, a bit, how easy this is seeming. To Dani, at least. 

Because- laying on Jamie’s bedroom floor, giggling over some SparkNotes literary memes article- it should feel hard. To Dani, it should feel hard. 

She’s struggled with new people ever since, well, since she was seven, but more attributed to when her father died. Not the death in itself, even, but the funeral. 

She’d been standing behind her mother, half-behind the casket, behind her father, and face after nameless face had approached her, crouching in front of her, boasting condolences at her in a mixture between teacher-voice and baby-talk. And it was like a switch flipped, faces blurring together, each new set of features blending to create an open-mouthed, silent ghost, and she’d huddled behind the curtains for the rest of the event, much to her mother’s embarrassment and chagrin. 

And now, it’s better? No, not better- it’s evolved. It’s mutated. It’s a shortness of breath in the hallways at school, swarmed with familiar yet foreign faces, judging eyes, it’s clammy hands and tomato-red cheeks during presentations, it’s forgetting what she’s talking about in a discussion, it’s the small stutter she develops when she’s speaking in class and realizes her voice might be a bit too loud for the setting. 

But with Jamie, with their posterboard laying forgotten behind them on the carpet, markers spread uncapped around it, her laugh flows out of her like water. 

“Wait, wait, listen to this one,” Jamie looks up from her phone screen, a giggle already brimming on her red lips, “The raven, tapping on your chamber door once upon a midnight dreary-” She flips her phone towards Dani, to show her a photo that immediately folds her in half, bursting out into a fit of laughter that has more to do with the hysterical nature their humor is quickly taking on. Jamie rolls onto her back, clutching her stomach, and her phone slides from her grip. 

“How do you do the delivery like that?” Dani gasps through her convulsions, and Jamie just tilts her head in question. “Like, it’s funnier when you say it.” Jamie smiles at this, flopping her arms down on either side of her head, tipping towards Dani. 

“Everything’s funnier coming from your friends, Poppins.” Dani blushes, burying her head in her folded arms in front of her on the rug. 

“We’re friends?”  _ Fuck,  _ Dani. She wants to decompose, to sink into the floor, and she knows her face is going to be bright red when she picks it back up to face the small brunette. 

“Dani, what?” Jamie sputters, and Dani takes a peek at her baffled expression. 

“Wait- just. I mean. You’re like- and I’m.” She takes a breath, raising her head to look at the brunette. “It’s just, we’ve never hung out outside of school, and you- you have so many friends, and I didn’t want to...” Jamie’s eyebrows are still furrowed slightly in confusion, and Dani sighs, ignoring the alarm bells blaring in her head. 

“I want to be your friend, I’ve  _ wanted-  _ I’m glad. I’m happy we’re friends. I just wasn’t sure. Sorry.” She shakes her head, rolling her eyes at her own awkwardness. 

“Wow, Dani, that was…” Jamie trails off, a little stunned. Dani scoffs, pushing herself into a sitting position on the carpet, scooting a bit further from Jamie, and the brunette’s eyes widen slightly. 

“No- no, Dani, it was good, it was just- I hadn’t, I mean, I’ve always considered us friends, that’s all. I hadn’t… thought so much about it.” She places a gentle hand on Dani’s forearm. 

And that’s Dani’s problem, isn’t it? Thinking too much about things, reading too far into things. And maybe her idea of  _ friends  _ is different from Jamie’s, maybe it’s because she expects so much out of who she considers friends, maybe it’s because she hasn’t had a birthday party since freshman year, but. She’s never had many. Always had few. And her meager amount of friends dwindled further, to Edmund, really, the only one who’d been persistent enough to draw her out, to wait for her smile, in times where it seemed to disappear completely. 

“Yeah, sorry, I guess I just thought too much about it.” Her chest tightens newly at this, the same admission she’s made too many times before. She wants to call Eddie now, to tell him to pick her up, to tip her chin to her chest in his car and slip on her headphones quietly and it’s- she’s overreacting, she knows, but the smallest thing, really, it can flip her switch. 

“Dani, no, I- I don’t understand, just. Don’t be sorry, okay?  _ I’m  _ sorry. I didn’t mean to-” She adjusts so she’s sitting too, kneeling in front of Dani. She seems at a loss for words, her eyes searching Dani’s, and Dani huffs a sigh. 

“You shouldn’t be sorry for anything. Seriously, I’m- there’s something wrong with me. I overreacted. I thought too far into it, I was just-” She smiles weakly at the brunette. “ _ Nervous,  _ I guess.” Jamie returns her smile, but it’s jaded now. Now, Dani’s searching the expression for impatience, irritation, annoyance, and it’s a terrible feeling, really, like the balled-up wad of regret she gets when she gets an answer wrong in class. 

“Are you- are you okay, Poppins?” Dani winces, messily covering the reaction with an empty laugh. 

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. God, sorry. Let’s just, let’s-” She drags the posterboard closer, and tries to quell the shaking in her hand. 

“It’s- okay.” And Jamie is kind, too kind, Dani knows. She’s seen the way that the brunette is kind, even to the most annoying of kids, even to the boy in their third period Anatomy class that sits in the back and mouth-breathes so loudly it makes Dani nauseous. But Dani doesn’t want to be the girl that Jamie lets down easy. She doesn’t think she could stand it. 

  
  


They work for the rest of the hour that Dani’s there, and Edmund picks her up at a modest six-thirty, and Jamie walks her out like the sweet girl she is. 

“Hey, Dani, about, um, earlier?” Dani winces, turning back to the small brunette. Jamie looks around, and dips her voice quieter, to avoid attracting the attention of Owen, who Dani can hear humming an oldie from the kitchen. 

“I just want you to know… that, um,” she clears her throat. “Well, I actually wanted to ask if you wanted to come over again, same time next week? You should, and we can hang out longer. Not just for the project.” Jamie smiles expectantly at Dani, her head tipping up the smallest bit, because of Dani’s meager half-inch over her. Dani’s stomach flutters a bit, and it feels like there’s a magnet in her belly, tugging her closer to the girl. 

“Oh,” She murmurs. “Or, yes! Yeah, that would be good. Fun. Yeah.” She stumbles a bit, but nods her head decisively. They stand there for a moment, then, returning each others’ smiles, and it’s kind of addictive, the shameless way that Dani drags her eyes over Jamie’s face, the exhilarating feeling of someone looking at you for the purpose of  _ seeing  _ you. 

“Yeah?” Jamie’s voice is mind-numbingly soft, cute and warm and flirty, like the teen romance movies that Dani always scoffed at, but ended up crying over in the end. 

And Eddie has to go and honk the horn, a short, sharp beep, right as Dani’s about to twist a lock of her own hair around her finger, and she whips around, glaring at the boy in the driver’s seat. 

“Alright, that was… loud.” Jamie blinks a couple of times, like she’s shaking off the drowsiness of an afternoon nap. 

“God, sorry, he’s…” She rolls her eyes, flapping her hand in a weak gesture of annoyance. 

“Poppins,” Jamie steps a fraction closer to her, and Dani’s pulled into her orbit once again. “Stop apologizing.” She grins, her tongue slipping out from white teeth to slide over her bottom lip. 

“Oh- okay.” She stutters, eyes drawn to the movement of Jamie’s mouth. Eddie taps his horn again, and Dani pulls away, again, and Jamie huffs a quiet sigh. She runs a hand through her curly hair, and Dani moves to step down the first step. 

“Wait- wait a second!” Jamie catches Dani’s sleeve, before running back inside. She returns a second later, a flowered ceramic plate in her hand. 

“Here, I-uh, promised you gingerbread.” Jamie shrugs, smiling when Dani takes the plate. 

“Oh, thank you! These look and-” She takes a deep inhale over the plate. “-smell amazing. You tell your mom thank you, ‘kay?” Jamie’s smile only widens, and Dani’s own lips tug up at the sight. 

Because Jamie’s just- she’s striking. A stunner, one-in-a-million, a beauty. She has a classic beauty that Dani notices every time she sees the girl, red lips, soft, shoulder-length curls, a sweet, light blush blooming over high cheekbones. Dani thinks Jamie could be prom queen, she thinks Jamie could be an actress, or a pop-star, or just about anything she wants to be. 

“Thanks.” Jamie fiddles with the tips of her fingers, and Dani feels brave, feels excited, and she turns, so that her back is turned to Eddie’s car. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Dani, in her newfound bravery, slides her palm over Jamie’s. It’s platonic, enough, if neither of them were reading into it. But Jamie’s eyes widen, snapping from their hands back up to Dani’s face. 

“Poppins… I-” Jamie’s face lights up in a dreamy grin, and she squeezes Dani’s fingers. “Who the hell knew?” 

Dani smiles again, a little teasing, just on the edge of cheeky, and, really, she should have learned her lesson about reading into things from earlier, but she can’t help the little skip in her step as she pulls away, the extra swing in her hips when she walks to the passenger side of Eddie’s car. 

And on the way home, when her chatter overlaps with Eddie’s, and the smell of gingerbread floods the car, she daydreams about what would have happened if she’d leaned a little closer, if she’d pressed her inexperienced, hungry lips against Jamie’s, if she’d let the brunette drag her in by the waist and kiss her harder. If she’d kiss her back just as hard, if she’d pull her close. What would happen if she fell. What would happen if Jamie caught her. 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so... I'm hoping to update this soon. I'm sorry if Dani's anxiety doesn't quite fit anyone's idea or experience with their anxiety, but I was just writing this from personal experience, so be respectful, please. 
> 
> I really hope you guys like this one, it's by far the longest one I'm going to write. Let me know any requests for the next chapter. I have a plot, but I'd like to incorporate what you guys want to read too.


End file.
